I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
