The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
