are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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