Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
