so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
