just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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