just come out here and I will go home with you...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
