New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
