I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
