My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
