Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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