Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
