Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
