I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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