I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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