I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's blow job season.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
