my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
