Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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