Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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