He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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