my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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