Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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