You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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