worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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