Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
