Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
birth control should be required to get into college
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
