ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
They took my balls.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
