I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
