so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
