First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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