I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The air was thick with penises
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
