Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
