i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
