I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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