It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
