I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
After tacos, we're chasing women.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
