I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
