She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
