One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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