i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
