You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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