So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
