I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
