Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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