Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
