I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
