I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
false alarm. still invincible.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
