carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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