we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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