It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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