How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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