I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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