Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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